From Winter to Spring, March 11, 2011

December and January felt so challenging. The stress reaction in my body from overworking and attempting the first steps of dating lingered on into early February. However, it was bad enough of an experience to give birth to the commitment to find some balance and keep it long-term. I tried many, many “remedies” to calm things down and get the all-over itching to go away. Months of not sleeping through the night is now helping me savor doing it. I’m beginning to regain at least a couple of the 10 pounds lost.

I tried applying regular medicine; taking Chinese medicine; reading fewer romance novels; starting reading comedy non-fiction books; practicing laughing; exercising more; chocolate; journaling; praying; making diet changes; socializing more; receiving Reiki, Jin Shin Jytusu, and massage; learning meditation; signing off match.com and eharmony.com; receiving a visit from close friends; visiting my daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter in Fort Lauderdale (see photos)…. See, I’m even an over-achiever at trying to de-stress! Sigh….

All of these efforts have had some interesting outcomes. I’ve written five new books for my granddaughter Giuliana. My other granddaughter Karida is now my penpal. As I’m laughing more and socializing more, it’s helping others to do the same (see photo of me at a recent party). I’ve developed lovely friendships with two gentlemen, one local and one in another state. Neither particularly shows signs of romance; we have just relaxed and enjoyed the friendship-building process. I’ve also begun doing a regular meditation practice. I found a group through www.meetup.com and visited. It turned out that the mentor they assigned to me was one of Craig’s former coworkers, and we already knew one another. I’m noticing that doing the meditation on “divine light of the heart” lessens my anxieties during the day. And I’m meeting lovely new people…

Of course, now that I’m feeling better, my tendency to over-do is back dogging me! But I’ve got to “catch up”! Same old, same old…never-ending to-do list. A colleague recommended that I try hiring interns to work with me, so I’m advertising for interns, as well as volunteers, and we’ll see where that goes. I’m supposed to be interviewing the first two over the next few days.


My 55th birthday is coming up on Sunday. I can’t seem to quite shake the memory connection between it and Craig, so I’m experiencing some sadness right now. And, also making some plans for the day so I’m not alone on it this year. Friends have invited me to breakfast and dinner. I received a lovely letter yesterday from the Bahá’í National Assembly in response to a recent report I sent to them about the Marriage Transformation Project. They acknowledged the project’s work, saying “the National Assembly is grateful for and highly esteems your dedication to the preservation and strengthening of the divine institution of marriage.” They also said, “Also kindly accept, again, our heartfelt condolences on the loss of your husband, and the assurance of our supplications for the continued progress of Craig’s noble soul throughout the divine realms.” I then spent an hour crying in response.


My flowers were up an inch until we got dumped with a foot of snow in the last 24 hours. I’m looking forward to daffodil season. I’m not physically doing the Bahá’í Fast, but I’m appreciating the time of increased spiritual reflection and prayer and aligning my mind, heart, soul, and body up with the coming year and a new plan for Bahá’í community activity from the Universal House of Justice.


I often feel Craig close during prayers, and give him assignments/requests (!) from time to time, like guiding the process of finding interns and helpers. Someone recently showed up to partner with me on doing my first Teleseminar. I appreciate having the invisible helpers surrounding me, along with the friendships and family here that sustain me.


So, that’s a brief update. I’m mostly living life going forward, but with some looking backwards as grief hits.

Love,
Susanne