On July 5th, I drove with a very full car down towards Orlando, Florida. Here on my third trip south in a year, I was finally able to empty the basement of the last of my daughter Jennifer’s stored stuff! The stop in Orlando was from July 7-11 for the annual international Smart Marriages® and Happy Families Conference. Ten days before the conference, the director and I decided that nothing was working smoothly with my new book in the bookstore and that Craig must want me to have a booth! So, with a lot of scrambling, I assembled all the booth supplies and sold books in the exhibit area instead.
The conference was full of emotional moments: Frustration and annoyance at not having Craig to help schlep the boxes and suitcases all over the resort. Sadness at putting the “singles” sticker on my nametag. Tears along with expressions of sympathy and condolence and hugs from people I knew. And, happiness at selling quite a few books, meeting many of the experts who contributed to All-in-One Marriage Prep, and having people join me to help at the booth.
We held a contest at the booth for the person who got the most experts to sign their book. Winner was Judy McGraw, a family support person at the McGuire Air Force base. (pictured with me and Barbara Jenkins Spires, who provided The Couple Links game as one of the grand prizes http://www.couplelinksgame.com/).
After the conference ended, I spent two nights staying with Baha’is Katherin and Na’im Fananian in Orlando and presented a mini-workshop/information evening about marriage to 22 people. Very fun! (See photos of the group and me with Na’im)
Then on the 13th, on to Ft. Lauderdale/Plantation to stay with Jennifer, Frank, and granddaughter Giuliana for a few days. She walked independently for a few steps while I was there – a landmark moment. However, such adventurousness meant she was needing to be close to her mom and dad a lot, so Nana didn’t get to play with her as much as hoped . But, we did swim together, and I won points for finding a Pooh cup with a straw that she loved. I made her three books full of her photos along with stories for her real present though. We had an excellent birthday party for her the day after her birthday on July 17th. (See photos from this period of time)
Then, once again trekking home north. I have rarely felt lonely over this year, but it really began to hit me as I was traveling. Too many experiences where it would have been lovely to have a companion. I’m also experiencing some anger these days – too many decisions and plans to make without a partner to help. But, I’m coping one day at a time.
Two days after getting home, stress and overwhelm hit with a migraine. I chased it mostly off with home remedies but took it easier on Friday. Thanks to my mom for paying for a massage! Then yesterday was exhausting again. I’ve been appointed to a Bahá’í committed called the Area Teaching Committee, and there was training for the three of us as new members all day. Fatigue mingled with grief – so much of the day felt like a better fit for Craig than me – he loved processing data! Together with friends at the end I began crying and then leaked off and on most of the way home.
This morning was the grief support group in my home. It reassured me that all this emotional mix is very normal. While I think it ought to be done, it still surprises me, and my energy level isn’t what I want it to be. I go through periods of being very confident with work, and then totally questioning whether I can truly make a living at it. Confidence, faith, and fear keep rotating.
I have a lot of ideas and projects percolating, so creatively I’m back engaged. And…managing all the details is a challenge! One day at a time…
Love,
Susanne
Posts
