I’ve been tackling the piles of file boxes that Craig and I have accumulated over the last 10 years, as well as those from freelance writing the two years before we married. Thankfully, a young, strong friend (John-Mark Wortham) came over and hauled them out of storage for me. I’ve now filled up over a dozen trash bags and shredded piles of documents, and he hauled them to the curb for me. And, there are more boxes to go!
On the 17th, a crew of friends came and dismantled Craig’s wheelchair ramp and took it to a non-profit for re-constructing into a ramp for someone else. The re-use is something that would make Craig happy. Nik Tressler, his son Eric, John Cunningham, and George Eaton put in a few hours on the job. A blessing, but also an emotional moment to see one more thing connected to Craig gone. I’ve now planted grass where it used to stand. And trimmed all the trees and bushes that John didn’t do that day.
I’ve attended bereavement meetings twice, once at Hospice and once at The Gathering Place. I’m glad to have the support of others in this process, but still uncertain just how helpful these groups are to me. I’m having times of sadness, of course, but some people still seem so stuck in grief after years have gone by, and I just don’t want to be in that space. My mother was in town for 5 days from Toronto, and that was helpful. She and I watched the DVD of Craig’s funeral and graveside services together, her for the first time (she wasn’t able to be at the funeral). I shed a few tears, but it was also helpful to re-visit the experience (and interesting to see all that was happening behind me, as I was in the front row!). Mom and I did quite a bit of shopping while she was here, too! And she attend our spiritual study circle, which resumed for the first time since I returned from Florida. A lovely evening…
Many house repairs are underway. Craig’s sister Nancy and brother-in-law Bob were here on the 25th. Bob replaced one of my bedroom windows and started replacing the storm door in front. Neighbor Frank Rodgers continued the process by finishing the door and installing a new porch light and mailbox. There is still quite a bit of painting to do after I get the house de-cluttered. All of this is intended to ready the house to go up for sale in February – at least that’s the current plan! And no, I don’t know where I’m going yet, although making suggestions to God and Craig and taking steps!
I’ve spent hours doing the completion process on Craig’s life, taking him off of bank accounts and credit cards, canceling his membership in a dozen different things, taking him off of mailing lists, and transferring his frequent flyer miles to my cards. It’s amazing what all he was involved in! I’ve sold his grill to a friend of his, so I spent time cleaning that up from two years of sitting idle.
Work is slowly resuming. I’m book writing and began coaching a new relationship client this week. I’ve committed to speak at a marriage conference in Vancouver in November while there visiting my Dad and stepmother. I’ve put all the books on inventory clearance sale, and got a newsletter out yesterday to our subscribers for the first time since January, thanks to assistant Joyce Ashman. Yesterday I met for the second time with financial planners, who ran through with me how to support myself from now to age 93! It was a bit overwhelming, but good to see how to work out supporting myself that long. I just have to work making approx. $30,000/year from age 55 to age 76 to make the plan work (or live in a cave). Yikes! Part of the challenge for me is figuring out how the marriage project now fits in my life as a widow, particularly since it has never run at a profit, and most of its funding supports have ended. And yet, the need for relationship and marriage education in the world has by no means stopped! So, praying, seeking guidance, and we’ll see what happens.
I’ve been doing yoga, swimming, and walking (forcing myself too much!). The photos of the fall colors are from my walks near our home.
Love,
Susanne
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