The house in Euclid stayed on the market all summer with little interest from prospective buyers, but I was able to sell it at the end of September. I did one last trip to the Cleveland area and said goodbyes to friends and our home. My last stop at the house was to give Craig’s framed paintings and poetry to Barbara Trauger-Querry as a gift for Hospice of the Western Reserve. She and I sat and prayed hand-in-hand in the prayer room, which was also where Craig passed. A fitting ending.
Since returning from Cleveland, one of the tasks I accomplished was finishing up Craig’s “The Journey” books, the story of his life and transformation told through poetry, paintings, and journal entries. I’ve now made them available to people through these web pages:
http://www.marriagetransformation.com/store.htm (very bottom of the page)
http://www.bahaimarriage.net/aboutus.htm
I have (of course) thrown myself into all types of service to the Bahá’í community here in Chattanooga. It has felt blessed and wonderful to feel the energy around serving and teaching others about the Faith come back. I’m hosting and co-tutoring a Ruhi Book 1 Reflections on the Life of the Spirit study circle. I’m also hosting a devotional most Friday mornings. With living next to the Center, I’m often meeting with people and students who are looking for information. I’m also coordinating the Sunday morning devotions. So, staying busy!
I’ve become active in Toastmasters here and building relationships. I stopped job hunting and instead have been working to expand the Marriage Transformation business with the help of a personal and business coach. I re-connected with Johanna Wu, co-author of Marriage Can Be Forever—Preparation Counts, and we presented workshops for youth and young adults at the Tennessee Bahá’í School. I’ve been doing more coaching with individuals and couples globally via Skype, so getting more practice figuring out time zones with Australia, the UK, Africa, and the Middle East. I’m working with a local author/marriage educator helping him get a book in print with me as a contributing author. It will be the first time I’ve published someone else’s book. It’s all rewarding and frustrating and growing and changing. However, I definitely have moments of fussing at Craig for not being here to help with the details and spreadsheets!
A few weeks ago, John and I decided that marriage was not a wise choice for us. However, we kept on dating and talking daily for a few weeks. This past week we decided it was best to uncouple. So, still friends, with no nastiness, but not together. I’ve been sad, and it has all triggered quite a bit of grief and loss again, so a difficult stretch of time.
It is rare anymore for me to “feel” Craig’s presence. I got sad around the beginning of July – the third anniversary of his passing, but it didn’t last more than a few days. An exception with sensing Craig’s presence was a devotional/memorial gathering last week hosted by a widow at about the same stage as me – 3.5 years. It was a very emotional evening, but also very spiritual and supportive. I recently visited my daughter Jennifer and family in Fort Lauderdale, in part to meet my new granddaughter Theanna. I did call on Craig to help calm down all the crying of two young children!
All the changes and emotional challenges of the year have definitely had an effect on my health. Hormonal imbalances and weight loss. There are signs of it all calming down, and I hope this current transition with John doesn’t set me back.
I remember reading and hearing that the grief process can stay fairly active for 4 years after a husband passes. I thought that was a bit crazy – and here I am!
Much love to all,
Susanne
p.s. This area is wonderful for nature photography, which I post on Facebook from time to time. Nurtures my soul! But here are a couple of lake sunrise shots for you with a heron, something that always reminds me of Craig.
Posts
