Herons, Sunset, and Mini-Rainbows, August 28-29, 2009

I started our wedding anniversary day yesterday with a potential list of things to do but decided to stay in the moment and flow with whatever seemed best to do (and ended up doing very little on the list!). As usual, I began with prayer and meditation. My Healing After Loss book had an interesting reflection about people of faith still needing to be able to grieve. I also said a Bahá’í prayer for marriage that included the line, “Cause them to become the signs of harmony and unity until the end of time.”

Around 8 a.m., my friend Raphaella and I headed to Manasota Beach to swim. I was immediately greeted by another great blue heron (see photo). We then swam for a while, and soon the bird flew over us honking.

On the way home, we stopped at Yummies for a bagel (her) and apple fritter (me!). Spontaneously we walked next door to a flea market and wandered looking at all the STUFF. Thankfully, I was wallet-less and resisted! It rained during the afternoon, so I just puttered, read, reflected, listened to music…

In the evening, I went for dinner at the home of my friends Roger and Shirley Bascom, both of whom knew Craig. After dinner, we went down to Casperson Beach, which is a little “wilder” than the others in the area. We sat and read a few of the readings from our wedding program, which was lovely (see the photo of the three of us…yes, I’m in Craig’s t-shirt from Hawaii). Beach sunsets were a theme for Craig and I, and so I’ve stayed away from the beach at that time since arriving. But, since God and Craig answered my prayer and it was finally not storming at sunset, I strengthened my courage and went. I’m glad friends were with me, though. It was beautiful, and, of course, I was greeted again by a great blue heron! (see photos)


As I mentioned in a previous post, this bird was Craig’s totem…but I didn’t really know what that meant. This website makes it clearer: http://wolfs_moon.tripod.com/BlueHeronTotem.html. As I began seeking to understand this animal symbol, it became clear that it was Messenger Totem for me as well: Strive for peace, balance, independence… In my encounters with the birds, they have been amazingly serene and content. And, they always make me say, “Hi Craig!”

This morning, I went down to Venice Beach for yoga. I got there early and sat watching the strong waves – the water is usually very calm. The clouds often showed brief pieces of a rainbow (which are difficult to see in the photos). I snapped a photo of Elin, our instructor, as well (www.yogawithelin.com).

And a photo of what I could see looking up while laying on my towel.

After yoga, I had a brief encounter with a man who had also been in the session. I shared about Craig, and he shared that a close friend had died in July, so we talked briefly about the process of grieving. I mentioned my hope to see a full rainbow but that there had only been pieces. He drew a heart around where I had my feet buried in the sand and encouraged me by saying “May you have rainbows in your heart.” (see photo) He clasped my hand and wandered on down the beach.

So, I made it through the anniversary period. My mother-in-law yesterday, who has been a widow for 6 years, said it will get easier. I know that is true…but this one rocked my boat quite a bit, so I’m glad to have gone through it successfully. I wrote a poem while sitting on the beach this morning:

Resilience

Yesterday’s heron-filled serenity
Gives way to white-capped surf today
And yet the eternity of the sound
Wave after wave after wave
Fills me with a deeper peace
For this is inner serenity
Hard won in moments of agony and tears
This is the morning after
That says I survived and thrived
When rainbow glimpses
Let me know that God is alive
And, blessedly, so am I
With rainbows in my heart

Love,
Susanne