I began this morning with the wondrous experience of a free and gentle group yoga session on Venice Beach with enough rain clouds over the ocean in front of us that a double rainbow formed and stayed throughout the one-hour session. Double rainbows are a symbol for me of love, marriage, and partnership, and Craig and I saw one together in June of 2008. Seeing this one was a touch of heaven (although unfortunately I didn't have my camera with me!). I swam in the ocean afterwards and let my salty tears of missing Craig blend with the greater body of saltwater. It was good to recognize that I didn’t have an ocean of tears within me to let out! It was good to swim by myself…and yet yesterday it was good to swim with a friend (I helped Raphaella at the age of 62 swim in the ocean for the first time – see her blog posting: http://heartfulart.blogspot.com/ - Aug. 12 posting; check out her art too, at http://www.heartfulart.com/lart.com/ – it’s wonderful) She, Craig, and I all met at the 2007 Smart Marriages Conference, where we both had booths, and she moved to Venice 10 months ago.
On my way home, I stopped at Yummies Bakery and savored the crisp, cinnamon-bursting, and juicy taste of a fresh apple fritter. It immersed me in memories of going to the apple farm with Craig. One of my concerns about coming to Florida to retreat was that there would not be enough triggers to help me express my grief and help me feel the joy of our marriage. So much for that!
Today I’ve seen new wildlife – sand hill cranes and my first armadillo ever (see photo). A rabbit visited me off and on all day in the front yard, too. I hear there are wild pigs and alligators in the neighborhood…I’m glad to meet the tamer wildlife instead!
The evening ended with a spontaneous trip to Scoops ice cream. I “kidnapped” Raphella and we indulged in homemade creaminess. I’m realizing that both because my nature is often “planner” vs. “spontaneity” and there were so many time strictures over the last two years with Craig, that I need to spread my wings a little in this area. So, it was fun. The sunset coming home from dropping her off was spectacular, althou
gh the photos I took were of the sky away from the sun and sunset on the east sky (see photos). Sometime soon I’ll go watch it at the beach (I’m on the west coast, so sunsets are the focus vs. sunrises), but doing that experience without Craig will mean more tears, and…not this evening.I picked some flowers from the garden to bring in to lift my spirits at my desk. In front of my computer is a stylized sailing ship—Craig often dreamed of sailing on one of these.
(see photo)
So, it was a good day filled with loveliness, with a long nap in the middle!
Love,
Susanne
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